A Conversation with My Daughters, Shasha and Tasha (Part 2)

In my post on the International Day of the Girl Child, I shared the first part of my conversation with my daughters, Shasha and Tasha; my thanks to both for doing this with me. Here is the concluding part of the conversation. Again, I hope you enjoy reading this piece and are in some way inspired! To Shasha, Tasha, my other girls (you know who you are), nieces, and every girl/lady reading this, always remember that you are amazing, beautiful and capable. Boldly pursue your dreams and know that you have everything you need to succeed! Go break the glass ceiling! I love you all and I’m rooting for you!

How has being a girl shaped your ambitions, experiences, and aspirations?

Shasha: Like I mentioned previously, growing up in our house, being a girl didn’t necessarily affect my ambitions or aspirations. I still felt free to dream and aspire to be whoever I wanted to be. And that was a good thing, but as I have grown older, I am more aware of how being a girl can shape my ambitions or aspirations both negatively and positively. For example, in recent years, I have had to consider and incorporate the effects of having a family to my career plans and dreams. It means that at some point, if I want to be very involved in my kids’ lives, it might be at the expense of my career. Also, sometimes it is harder to have certain dreams or aspirations when they aren’t any women to look up to in those spaces to begin with. I remember that last year, I was looking at pursuing a career in Corporate Finance, and the only people I met were men. It was a bit too much for me so I had to pivot elsewhere. Sometimes it can feel a bit limiting, but I’m taking it a day at a time. I’ll say, all in all, how being a woman could affect my ambition is something that crosses my mind, but I’m more interested in finding a way to work around it or finding a solution. 

Tasha: I don’t think being a girl has made my ambitions and aspirations smaller. But it has definitely impacted my everyday life experiences. For instance, I’ve had to be hyper aware of my surroundings especially when I’m out, and I know my girl friends are also vigilant when they’re out because we hear and read about cases of girls getting drugged. Also, I call my friends when I’m walking down a sketchy road or area. 

Do you think it’s possible for a girl to have it all? If yes, what does “having it all” look like for you?

Shasha: Yes; I think it is possible for a girl to have it all. Having it all for me is having a great job that gives me fulfilment and happiness and is positively changing the lives of others in some way; being married to the love of my life (I’m a lover girl, true and true), being the best mom, friend, sister, daughter, employee/employer, wife etc. Having it all for me is having the entire works and honouring God in all I do. 

Tasha: Definitely! Having it all to me is winning in relationships particularly with my family and friends, as well as working on myself to become the person I want to be in terms of values, hobbies, and what I picture my life looking like. 

What’s the one thing you wish someone told you sooner about being a girl?

Shasha: I think it would have been nice to know that sometimes things don’t come easily when you are a girl or woman in my case. As a woman in finance, I’m aware that I might have to do double the work that my male counterparts do to get recognized or applauded, or that I might be making a fraction of their salaries. I haven’t really had the worst experiences when it comes to this, but it would be silly of me to not acknowledge that this happens. On the flip side, because women are still breaking glass ceilings and are more involved in the workplace than they previously were, sometimes a lot of women and men are actually rooting for your success and are willing to mentor and coach you. 

Tasha: The one thing I wish someone told me sooner about being a girl is that it’s awesome and it’s the best. I would hate to be a boy, no offence to boys! 

What are you passionate about?

Shasha: I am passionate about personal finances and fashion. I love talking about money and how people can make better decisions when it comes to money. I also love styling outfits and looking good. I love the whole dress-up process and I enjoy documenting my fashion and style, too.

Tasha: I’m passionate about my art. My relationship with the world and myself, my faith, and everything in my life feeds into it. It’s something I used to be shy about, like “Oh, I do art”, but now I confidently say that I’m an artist.

How do you think we can support and empower girls for the future?

Shasha: Oohh, I would say don’t crush their dreams. Support them if you are in a position to, and share the knowledge you have. Share your story, what you would have done differently, what you regret, the lessons you learnt. Knowledge is really power and not everyone has to learn by experience. 

Tasha: Visibility is a big thing so one way we can support girls is to make visible successful women as seeing successful women can inspire young girls to dream big. I think it’s also important that girls are taught to know that nothing is beyond them and that their gender does not have to limit them. Lastly, I would say it’s important to teach girls to be bold and take up as much space as they can without competing amongst themselves.

Reflecting on your teenage years, what challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?

Shasha: I’d like to skip this. 

Tasha: I was very insecure and deeply affected by colourism, and to a degree, I was comfortable with mediocrity. With regards to being insecure, my faith as well as having the right people around me who believe in me and constantly uplift me have helped a ton. I think understanding that social media is not real, which I talked about earlier (Part 1), also helped. One thing that has really helped me in dealing with colourism is following dark-skinned women because their beauty helps me to appreciate the beauty in being dark-skinned. For example, women like Kelly Rowland, Anok Yai, and Justine Skye who are all very beautiful and dark-skinned make the beauty in dark-skin very apparent. I think this appreciation of your features through consciously following people that look like you also extends to body shapes in relation to body dysmorphia. For this reason, I wouldn’t advise a curvy girl to follow only skinny girls because it will affect your idea of beauty and how you perceive yourself. In terms of how I have overcome being comfortable with mediocrity, honestly, it’s still a journey, but I constantly push myself out of my comfort zone and strive for excellence.

Please share tips on how you support and uplift other girls like you.

Shasha: I previously hosted a few financial literacy workshops for women to get them started on budgeting, investing and getting their monies right. I also share career tips to women and girls who are just getting started in accounting. Finally, I share a lot of finance and fashion tips for the girls (and guys) on my blog/ instagram page – @awahshasha. 

Tasha: I frequently give compliments to uplift and encourage other girls! It’s always lovely when girls pay compliments to one another because in a world where women are often thought to be in competition with each other in terms of things like desirability or recognised accomplishments, paying compliments totally crushes that invisible strive and unhealthy competition.

What is your advice for navigating friendships with other girls, and cultivating community and sisterhood with other girls?

Shasha: I would say that to in order to have friends, you have to first be a friend. Be social, go out and meet people and make friends. It might take time, but if you are intentional, it will work out for you. Surround yourself with people with similar values, but be open to friends with different interests and approaches, races, culture etc. This definitely gives you a different view on life. Focus on the quality of your friends rather than on the quantity. When I was younger, I wanted to be good friends with everyone and that got me into a lot of trouble and brought on loads of unnecessary headaches. Today, I might not have as many friends, but the quality of my friendships is unmatched.

Tasha: For one, don’t be one of those girls that say, “I just prefer having boys as friends because girls are a lot of drama!” Also, go to places of interest. So, if you like reading, go to a bookshop or library, and if you like skating, find a club. It’s easier to meet people with similar interests if you go to places like that. Don’t be afraid to walk up to someone and be like, “Hey, I like your outfit!” and start a conversation from there. Finally, please don’t make friends with people based on ‘aesthetics’; find people with the same mindset and values, and make meaningful connections. And as Shasha already said, be a genuine friend and show up for people.

P/S: Again, my deep appreciation to the amazing Jessica Ireju who came up with the concept and the questions.