Up Close with Isang

Birthdays are symbolic for new beginnings. So, I thought to celebrate this birthday by embarking on a new journey – starting a blog (finally! ). As I wondered about what my first blog post would be, the amazing, Jessica Ireju, came up with the brilliant idea of doing a Q & A; she also came up with the questions. I hope you find joy in reading my responses, and more importantly, I hope they ignite a spark within you to turn a page in your story and begin to live your best life!

What’s the story behind your name, Isang, which is quite unique?

Isang means journey, and I was told that my mother had me while she was on a journey. I was born in Calabar, and in the home of a clergy. Now that I am older, I am more curious about the circumstances of my birth, like, where my mother was journeying to, why she was in the clergyman’s home, the whereabout of the clergy and so on. Unfortunately, neither of my parents is alive to provide the answers to these questions.

You went from being a housewife to obtaining degrees from Harvard University and the University of Cambridge and did these while raising a family. What advice would you give to a stay-at-home mom who wants to chase her dreams while building a family?

First of all, I would like you to know that this is possible and has been the experience of many women. So, I encourage you to go for it, if it is what you want. If your children are still young, I would advise that you employ a house-help or engage a trusted relative who can support you in attending to them. That will free up time for you to work on your dreams and will also ensure that you get help running your home. To be prepared for the career you seek to pursue, you’ll likely need to either acquire new skills or hone some of the skills you have so invest in skills acquisition. Then, boldly step out and look for opportunities to start. Whatever it is you are going for, be it paid employment or your own business, be aware that it may take a while before you see the fruits of your labour. Keep doing your best. Be persistent and don’t quit, and in time, you will achieve your dreams.

If you are looking to chase your dreams sometime in the future, my advice would be, don’t lose sight of your dreams while you are a stay-at-home mom. Enjoy the season of raising your family and give it your best. The years go by so quickly and in no time, the season of being a stay-at-home mom will be gone. While at home, to the extent that it is possible and convenient, hone your skills. When my first three children were very young, in my free moments, I frequently wrote. Writing was my thing, and in between changing nappies, doing laundry, feeding a baby and two toddlers, etc. I wrote songs, stories, and write-ups. I had a Reporter’s notebook where I jotted down write-ups every week or so. That was over twenty years ago. We didn’t have computers or the internet then so I had to write in journals. I also read books. Much later, when my then pastor, Pastor Kunle Omotoso, realised I was into writing, he asked me to become the managing editor of the church magazine, and I gladly accepted. This was volunteer work and helped to further hone my writing skills. So, even though it wasn’t consciously planned, as a housewife, I was busy working at my passion, and in the process, honing skills. These prepared me for the opportunities that later came my way. So, enjoy your season as a stay-at-home mom and give it your all, but don’t lose sight of your dreams. Seize opportunities to do things you are passionate about and to build and hone skills. You could volunteer and serve somewhere. You could also take online sources. If you do these, you’ll be better prepared to maximise what opportunities come your way in the future.

As a writer and lover of stories, what three books have changed your life? 

The Bible is definitely number one. It’s difficult to decide on numbers two and three because many books have deeply impacted me through the years. A little over a decade ago, I read Half the Sky: Turning Oppression Into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn. It was highly inspiring and challenged me to think again about ways that I could really make a difference for the oppressed and vulnerable populations, and in particular, for women. Francine Rivers’ Redeeming Love powerfully conveyed to me God’s relentless love, and still remains one of the most powerful works of fiction I have read, even though I haven’t read it in years. Dr Dave Smith’s Living the Dream which I read a few years ago particularly helped me to understand the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. So, as a Christian, I have to forgive everyone no matter what they have done to me, but reconciliation should only come after repentance. This realisation was so helpful to me because of the peculiar circumstances my family and I were facing then. Khaled Hosseini’s novels (The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns etc.) introduced Afghanistan to me in a way that’s strikingly different from the Afghanistan I see in the news. In his novels, I see humans like me and my fellow countrymen – people who live, fall in love, make mistakes, and basically, have the same desires and aspirations as we do. That just reaffirms to me that regardless of our different ethnicities and nationalities and other differences we may see, we are all very alike! Sorry, I went beyond three. There are so many other books that have shaped my life and changed me in some way, but these are the ones that readily come to mind.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced, and how did you overcome it?

I would say the most challenging thing I faced was the loss of my mother. It wasn’t just about the fact that I lost someone who had been the epicentre of my life, but that her death shook the foundation of my faith. I had totally believed that she would be healed. So, her death was a rude shock and my first realisation that not all prayers get answered the way we expect even when we may have faith. How did I overcome it? There are two aspects of this; healing from the grief and pain of the loss, and learning to trust God again. Continuing in fellowship greatly helped, and the book, ‘For Those Who Hurt’ by Chuck Swindoll was a source of great comfort and encouragement. And time truly heals. I’m sure there were also other things that helped.

A more recent challenge was returning to school and a career after I had been away for about two decades. I struggled with doubts and fears, and worried that I may not be able to cope, especially since I was changing my area of study and also studying in an environment that was unfamiliar. I also worried about fitting in. I drew strength from a number of Bible verses. Also, my husband was very encouraging. He has always been incredibly supportive, and really believes in me, even when I have no faith in me. He usually has the right words and is totally committed to seeing me become everything I could be. God’s word and the wonderful encouragement of family and friends, chiefly my husband, kept me going until I accomplished that goal!

If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be? 

This would be it: “Don’t worry about losing time. Enjoy where you are and give your best to whatever you are doing. The time will come to chase your dreams, and it won’t be too late to pursue your dreams or become what you might have been!” In my mid-thirties, I often worried that it was too late for me to return to a career or pursue my dreams. Thankfully, I was wrong on both counts, but I do wish I had known then what I know today. It would have stopped me from worrying about losing time.

If you weren’t in your current career, what other career path would interest you, and why?

Good question! I’d most likely pursue a career as a film producer and director, and use film to tell stories about the things I am passionate about. The exciting thing is that I can still do movies with themes from my research, and I plan to do this sometime within the next few years. I think I would also be interested in preaching. I’ll tell you something that very few people know about me. I attended a Catholic Secondary school, and at about age 11, briefly considered becoming a nun but just as quickly abandoned the idea. I figured that that wasn’t for me. In my late teens, at some point, I once again considered dedicating my life to preaching the Gospel and not getting married. However, I realised that I wanted to have a family – fall in love, get married, have kids, the entire works. So again, I abandoned that thought. However, several years ago, when the opportunity came, I encouraged my husband to start a parish where we could pastor young people. Together, we started and pastored the Dominion Youth Centre, a youth parish of the Redeemed Christian Church of God. This is a roundabout way of saying that I love preaching, though I must admit that I do not know if I would enjoy being a full-time preacher. Anyway, I am thankful that even though I do not have a physical pulpit, I can still share stories of God’s love and goodness through my writings.

As a stylish woman, what are the three style items you think every woman should have in her closet?

I don’t know that I’m stylish, but thank you for the compliment. To answer your question, I would say blue jeans, a white shirt, and a simple black dress. These are staples that I think every woman should have. Along with those, I would suggest a pair of comfortable shoes, preferably sneakers.