As Johanan Otomfonabasi (aka John) read out his final grades to us, he muttered, ‘’Maybe I could have made a first class if I had made a distinction in my thesis.’’ I took that to mean he wasn’t too far off from making a first class given that his dissertation grade was a 2:1, and when I later shared his results with my niece, Nsikan James, I proudly added, ‘’He narrowly missed a first class!’’ Fortunately, John was seated nearby. He immediately corrected me, ‘’Mom, I didn’t narrowly miss a first class…’’ I’m grateful that he did this, and I love the fact that at home, we hold one another accountable in many ways including in our speech, insisting that everyone must say things just as they are, without any exaggeration.
Typically, when there’s suspicion that a story has been embellished, someone asks the narrator, ‘’Did it really happen that way?’’ It doesn’t matter if the narrator is U or me; any of our children will ask this or a similar question if they suspect we’re exaggerating. Usually, the narrator laughingly apologises and admits to embellishing the story a little, but there have also been occasions when the narrator insisted the story was devoid of embellishment. Whichever, this has made us all quite careful about exaggerating things.
It can be tempting to exaggerate especially when we want to impress people, but the truth is, we end up achieving just the opposite! There are people whose narratives I take with a grain of salt for the simple reason that I have discovered that they tend to exaggerate things. I believe I am not alone here. Most people are polite and even when they may know that we are embellishing facts, they may not say anything about it. However, the truth is that our credibility becomes questionable when people realise that what we say or present isn’t exactly accurate! On the contrary, we actually impress people when we say things as they are and are modest in our narratives, especially when the narratives relate to us.
My family and I recently watched Nicky Gumbel’s interview of David & Jessica Oyelowo on HTB Church Online (by the way, if you’re looking for a church in London, I strongly recommend HTB Church). When Nicky mentioned that David was a Nigerian prince, David right away slipped in that he was more like a prince of Islington than a British prince. That distinction was important because without it, viewers who aren’t aware of Nigeria’s multiple and typically hierarchical chiefdoms would have assumed that David was Nigeria’s Prince William or Prince Harry. The lesson here is that honesty demands that even when we may not be the ones creating the false impression about ourselves, the onus is on us to correct the impression as soon as we are aware of it.
Let’s be careful to avoid exaggeration; it is dishonest as it gives a false impression. Say it just as it is!
P/S: This Post was first published on Facebook on August 15, 2020.
Another beautiful piece. Sometimes we allow people to re-write our stories and sit back, partly because of civility or/and fear of rejection….
True! Thanks for sharing, Aydee.
I really love this, just like when I posted on Instagram saying, I am attending the United Nations General Assembly for the first time and that was also my first time in the UN building etc… Someone sent me a DM saying why did I say it was my first time? I said that’s because it was my first time. Yes I may have gotten an opportunity to be featured in a stakeholder engagement and even chair a panel etc but it was still my first time! Yes, I believe in putting myself out there but just as I am because I believe God doesn’t bless exaggerations and fakery.
THANK YOU for always sharing personal stories that everyone can relate to and also check themselves with.
You are welcome, dear Ikana. Totally agree that we must put ourselves out there as we are as God doesn’t bless exaggerations and fakery. I’m very proud of the amazing young woman that you are!